I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
