I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
