My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
