its not stalking. its research.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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