return my video game
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
