I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
