I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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