You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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