I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
do nipples grow back?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
