Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dick very happy bro
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
