I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
