Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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