help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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