Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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