I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
