I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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