Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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