this boner is exhausting
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
