Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
