Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
