We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
