I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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