I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
