She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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