I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
