I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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