i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
