Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
