i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
