I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You made out with two different species that night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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