i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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