....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
