The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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