I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
