My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
