i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
People with herpes should wear stickers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
