You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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