just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
