I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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