I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
