how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
