Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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