I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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