fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
