So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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