She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
