We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
