I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
