The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
