another moral hangover. fuck.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
