It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
